“The Writer” written and performed by Michael and Daniel Palmer, ThrillerFest 2011

 THE WRITER

© 2011  Daniel Palmer &  Michael Palmer

(sung to the tune of “The Gambler”)

On a warm summer’s evening at the bar in the Hyatt

I was feeling like a failure when a man slid next to me,

His face was worn and weathered and his eyes glowed like a two embers

I sensed he was a writer, the kind I’d like to be.

So he ordered off my bar tab and sighed as if he knew me,

Then he tapped my manuscript and made a knowing smile.

I heard you on that panel and you really were quite boring,

If you want to be a winner, you gotta learn to write with style.

The rule you’ve got to follow was written by Sam Johnson

If you don’t want the world to think that you’re a total dunce,

Just circle every passage you’re especially fond of

Then take a big eraser and get rid of them at once.

You’ve got to know when to send it, know when to mend it.

Altering your perfect draft ain’t a lot of fun

You shouldn’t check your rankings, fourteen times an hour

They’ll be time enough for checkin’ when the writin’s done.

Now every writer thinks they’ve penned a new bestseller

But really what they’ve written is another chunk of prose.

Cause ev’ry book’s a winner and ev’ry book’s a loser,

And what you thought was brilliant, they’ll be folks who think it blows

Then he finished speaking, took a bite from my sandwich,

Burped really loudly and summarized the biz.

He said if writing was so easy, everyone would do it

Hey, wait a second, everybody is.

You’ve got to know when to send it, know when to mend it.

Altering your perfect draft ain’t a lot of fun

You shouldn’t check your rankings, fourteen times an hour

They’ll be time enough for checkin’ when the writin’s done.

©  2011 Daniel Palmer &  Michael Palmer